TO FIGHT BACK OR BACK OFF #3

In this, the third post regarding whether or not a faculty member should grieve, I quote yet again from Good Grief, the book co-written by Jose Briceno and me:

What did I have to do with creating this situation? Many people who come to us have trouble answering this question honestly.  Perhaps, and we only say “perhaps,” the supervisor or administrator acted appropriately.  What sort of treatment did others get in similar situations? Did you get the same treatment as they got? At the time “they got it,” did you think others’ treatment was fair? Linger over these questions a while.  Sleep on them. Perhaps you don’t need to grieve at all. Maybe you just need to change the way you’re doing things, or you just need to leave for greener, less-conflicted pastures.  Be honest with yourself, something not so easy to do when your back is to the wall. If, after thoughtfully considering the facts as they are, not as you wish they were, you still feel wronged, then it’s time to take on a few more questions.

Particularly when it appeared that my grievants were being treated worse than others in similar situations, I often discovered that my clients lacked social sense rather than contributing directly to the situation at hand.  If the chair held a monthly tenure-track coaching session, they wouldn't show up.  If a department member had a party at her house, they'd skip it.  When a colleague tried to chat with them over a cup of coffee in the lounge, they'd make an excuse and run off.  Colleagues began to resent that sort of behavior after a while, and when those socially inept professors needed a break, they didn't get it when others did.

Is it right to go after people because they're just not as friendly as they ought to be?  No.  It happens all the time, though. I still went forward with those grievances and was generally successful in prosecuting them, but if my grievants had payed a little more attention to the social aspects of the job, they could have saved themselves a whole lot of grief.  It turns out that social skills are almost as important as publishing and research for success on the job. 

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• to Fight Back or Back Off? #2 (reamy.typepad.com)